timid shoulders tense as she prepares herself for the worst.
        she could accept the annoyed look from the judge in question –
        the sneer and amusement from the defendant and his lawyer
        as she left the courtroom that afternoon could be easily looked over.
        what she wouldn’t be able to stomach was the detective’s disappointment
        in her. it was always the hardest pill to swallow.
                                “a drink,” alex exhales, almost on an incredulous
                                 laugh. the tension eases momentarily and she
                                 finally wills herself to look up. “put it on my tab.”
         she studies olivia for the longest, trying to decide for herself if
         this was just the beginning of the storm and eventually alex
         lowers her guard completely. misery loved company, after all –
         but nothing was ever miserable about being with olivia benson.
                                 “i guaranteed us a mistrial. everything you did…
                                  i’d understand if you were angry, but liv–”
          alex inhales sharply. she’s already tried her best to block out
          the three ring circus that led up to the hearing.
          pressure mounted to get a quick conviction despite
          evidence not turning over in favor of the state and she
          could only do so much with a witness that had a history
          of dishonesty. that one hurt, admittedly, and lashing out at the
          defendant hadn’t been her finest hour.
                                  “it’s inexcusable. you deserved better today and i–”
                                   alex swallows down what remained of her drink,
                                   as if to soften the way these words tasted
                                   “i’m sorry. i let you down. it won’t happen again.”

     she’s quiet. tension thick in the air and she gestures towards the near
     empty glass to her left once the bartender arrives, ordering herself and
     alex a round of drinks. they’ll need it, no doubt. 

               today’s events play over and over in her head like a broken record. the scene 
               unfolds before her, looking on from the back of the courtroom all she can
               remember is the rage that split from the blonde, and the unpleasant feeling that
               remained. their asses had been handed to them, but no one as bad as alex.

                      ❛ i wasn’t angry, alex. just…. disappointed. ❜

     her words cut through the silence, sharp like a knife. it was the truth. after
     all these years, she’s learned not to become cross at the things she cant
     control. she did her part, alex had done hers, and that’s all that mattered.
     the outcome wasn’t one they had hoped, and they’d have to live with it. 

               drinks are placed before them, and olivia is far too quick to bring the glass
               to her lips. she takes a sip, heat flows down her throat but it brings her back
               to reality. alex offers an apology, and she shakes her head in response.
               brows furrow, and she turns fully towards the other woman.

                                   ❛ don’t be sorry… we did all that we could.  ❜